eninimef elbon eht morf

    nevig erew luos dna ydob

    detnarg efil dna hself

    niap ni tuo seirc traeh ym tub

    yresim fo sraey ytnewt ym rof

If I was in a book, I want to be the ending.

                                                Yours truly.

            The sky was sending torrential rain over the past few days and often, I was sodden. The city was almost flooded as the water from the river rose rapidly due to the splashing downpour on Tuesday. The thunderous lightning was akin to flashing cameras… so near yet so far.

            My emotions sway swiftly like the volatile weather…

            To where it goes, I go with it.

                                                Anonymous.

            There were just too many things to fathom…to uncoil…to configure. I am merely an impotent human, all too weak to receive and swallow such tremendous lesson on my shoulder. My legs are too feeble and fatigued to continue walking. Thirst of salvation. It was similar to trudging in the desert and salvation was like the scarce drop of water… waiting for me to claim before it dries.  

            I remembered that it was a splurge of twitched feelings blended in a mixing bowl and it never halts until I suddenly feel jaws gnawing me slowly. So many incidents penetrating my mind and they were shooting bullets at me… weakening my defence. The defence that I’ve constructed to prevent from my downfall once again.

            But, surprisingly… my tribulation this time has nothing to do with anyone.

            It was a conflict from within. Or perhaps, it was more to an accumulation from the yesterdays. The only thing ringing in my head for the past 12 hours and 24 minutes were the two words: ‘Too much’.

            My brain was like the recording machine. Replaying the same message everyday.

            Press the delete button?

            I supposed, my brain was not created along with it.

            Worrier by nature and I’ve been living with it when mum brought me to this world.

            I’m learning.

            But, perhaps, it wasn’t enough.

            That is why, I am to be put through another test again.

            A test that perhaps, by the end of it shall be satisfying and helpful to me.

            Keep me in prayer.

confused.

more and more confused.

i detest it when it has to come my way.

     It's like stranded in a deserted island.. vacillating for the perfect tide to sail into the deep sea.

     The fire has been challenged and it's roaring rampantly.

        Feelings are so difficult.

      leave me alone if I do not own it.

       p.s: happy valentine's to everyone though.

       will update more.

Fly Away.... ~wee

Departing…

One

Two

Three.

. . .

            My friends are leaving one by one.

            Why did I take so long to post a new entry?

            I’m rather speechless lately…

            Perhaps, it’s time to be quiet.

            …it’s getting lonelier….

            When Ban left Malaysia, I know I’m going to miss her and I did. When Hoi Ming went to Malacca to further her studies (2 years back), the B-ian’s gathering would be different. Ying Ya went to Kedah and I’m hearing lesser from her. Now that @ and VW leaving soon (most probably), we’ll miss out the wacky ones at the parties.

            And another friend of mine, P.Yee will be leaving to Australia for 4 years to pursue her education.

            And I have not even counted the ones who obtained a scholarship to foreign countries such as India, New Zealand and Australia.

            Knowing different batches of friends during my school years namely primary 1-6 and secondary 1-6, everyone has grown up. And I mean it. They grew so much: physically and mentally. They are equipped with inspiring dreams and vouch to conquer their dreams. (Salute) I respect those who know what they want to do and are determined to mould their future.

            How does it feel to be flying without wings?

            Satisfied? Contented? Or rather… indescribable.

            I meant it figuratively though.

            Being able to grab hold of our dreams and pursue something we love, wouldn’t it be as contented as soaring above the sky and fly like a free bird?

We’re like birds, soaring towards heaven, reaching joy and utter satisfaction.

                                                                                    -Anonymous-

            Life changes so drastically and it would take some time for me to accept these evolvements. The things that I might have to change for the better would be: my outlook (esp. my taste for clothes), bed sheet (don’t want Hello Kitty anymore), the books on my shelf (esp Sejarah Sarawak), my darling that I bought on Valentine’s Day 2 years ago (dearest Nokia 3610), dining area (might have to learn to eat at the dining table and not ‘duduk bersila’ in front of the TV), bathing hour (shower at midnight is no good) and probably….

            Change my hairstyle…

            They’re curling like McD’s curly fries.

            Anyway, being categorised as a late teen now, there are certain things I cannot do… or perhaps… is embarrassed to do… big changes I name them:

1)      No more eating ‘Chokie-Chokie’ (is that how you spell it?) while shopping in MV.

2)      No more begging for balloons from Mr. Red-Nose a.k.a Mr. Clown.

3)      No more singing (esp Jay’s songs) in public to attract attention.

4)      No more wearing my pyjamas while eating out in McD (just did the other afternoon… I repeat, afternoon…and I still don’t see what is the PROBLEM!)

5)      No more playing at the kiddie area at McD where they have the colourful slide.

6)      No more running around with a dishevelled hair and yell ‘Give me back my chocolate sundae!’... ahem)

7)      No more wearing jeans without zipping. (Hey, I just forgot once!)

8)      No more yelling for ‘Help!’ and cry when discovering a 5 millimetre worm.

9)      No more wearing my socks inside out.

10)  No more …..

Hmmm….

 Perhaps…

No more solo concert and pretending to be a superstar’s wife (ahem… *cough* *cough*)…..

I’ll put more effort on that.

        Haha…

Till then….

Good day.

Survival of the fittest....

I’m back alive…

            To those who are extremely curious what I’m currently up to….

            I’m not going to tell you…. Muahahahaaha…. You guess….

            I am ‘adopted’ by a gigantic square box as their daughter and I have lots of brothers and sisters. My daddy is at London.

            How do I feel?

            Blessed. Thankful. Happy.

            But….

            Tiring.

            Ahhhhh….

            I was taking a ride to (I forgot where) by the LRT and was almost asphyxiated amidst the terrible ‘squeeze-squashing’ and smelling the odour from the person standing an inch in front of me. Suddenly… (Sound effects* ‘jeng jeng jeng’)

            An old man emerged from the door and attempts to squeeze himself through the ‘sardines’. (Can you picture that?) Indifferent, he steps forward with his walking stick feebly and gripped the bars to prevent from falling. Looking at his frail hands and turning back to the row of seats in the LRT…. Which apparently were fully occupied by passengers… I was wondering….. No one bothers to offer their seats! 

            A few stations passed… people were pouring out from the LRT… once again, seats were up for grabs! People swarmed in again and rushed to the vacancies pushing away their competitors, vying for the seat at the corner so that they can lean comfortably. Zoom…. In a blink…. All seats were once again… taken. The old man remained unseated…. And remained… indifferent. He lost in the competition against the young.

            Disgust.

             These are the people whom we consider them as caring and loving? The society which is thirst of getting a seat in the LRT is willing to push their ‘rivals’ away just to secure a seat and on the other hand… the weaker ones…. Will be pushed away almost instantly. My friend has almost gotten a handsome fall from the exit of the LRT by these inconsiderate people who were fiercely pushing from behind.

            This did not happen just once. It was countless.

            I do not gainsay that certain passengers are very courteous and thoughtful to offer their seat to pregnant women. I do not deny that some people are willing to rise from their seat just to allow the elderly to rest comfortably during their long trip. But, how many of us possess this noble value and practise the habit of ‘please offer your seat to those who need it more than you do.’?

            We’ve been educated and taught ever since we’re young to be caring and considerate but the real faces of our people were unveiled even by as simple as obtaining for a seat. It is no wonder that people are evolving from loving to abhorrence.

            Survival of the fittest?

            Besides turning our heads to the scenario from the LRT, generally, those who did not survive from the fearful competition will be an outcast and be treated as a pure loser. If you don’t succeed…. You cannot survive. This is the society…the reality.

            If we fall, who will take mercy of us? If we fail, who will lend us a hand?

            It is the people who are loving, caring and thoughtful who will salvage these outcasts. These are the people who drive the society to become a better place to live. These are the people who can replenish their confidence and help build a caring society.

If this is so, these outcast… will not be named as such anymore because our loving society will not despise them… and are willing to accept them as a part of us. 

A simple scenario…. A great lesson behind.